Rituals to process death are symbolic acts that help people express their feelings about loss, organize the emotional chaos that overwhelms them, give symbolic meaning to life cycle events, and socially construct shared meanings (Figueroa, Cáceres & Torres, n.d.). These rituals can vary depending on the culture, religion, and society to which individuals belong (Osiris et al., n.d.). Therefore, according to Osiris et al. (n.d.), it is essential to be sensitive and respectful of the beliefs and customs of those who have lost someone, as rituals have symbolic and emotional content that helps them process pain and integrate loss as an experience in their lives.
These rituals or customs from any culture or religion can facilitate a healthy grieving process, allowing individuals to navigate through all the natural and emotional responses involved in losing a loved one (Carrera et al., 2020). However, if a person does not confront grief and does not recover properly, complications may arise, especially in the case of children and adolescents. Consequently, in line with Carrera et al. (2020), it is of vital importance that death be a part of everyday life, that fear be removed from it, and that mourning be freely expressed; this will contribute to individuals experiencing the grieving process appropriately without interfering or hindering their lives.
How to Perform Symbolic Rituals?
Grief can be expressed in various ways, depending on each person experiencing it (Girod, 2020). The purpose of symbolic rituals is to provide both the family and friends of the deceased, as well as the departed themselves, with a sense of connection and farewell. The key is to choose something that allows people to feel the presence of the loved one and honor their memory. To achieve this, those grieving should reflect on what aspects they want to celebrate, appreciate, or remember about the deceased and how they can do so. However, in line with Girod (2020), these rituals can be challenging and sorrowful moments, so it is recommended that individuals attending them prepare emotionally to face them.
Finally, it is worth mentioning that there is no single correct way to experience grief, as each person has their own unique journey and way of coping (Girod, 2020). Similarly, it is important to emphasize that all manifestations that arise in the grieving process are normal and valid, even those that may seem negative or irrational, such as obsessive ruminations, guilt, anger or frustration with the deceased. Therefore, according to Girod (2020), individuals should validate and express everything they are feeling instead of blocking or concealing it.
Traditional Rituals
It is essential to talk about rituals in honor of the deceased, considering that in every culture and every family, there are practices that are more meaningful and important to them (Carrera et al., 2020). Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, many traditional rituals cannot be carried out, so it is important to explain to children and young people the situation they are experiencing so that they can better assimilate their loss. Participating in rituals and activities helps them make sense of their process and understand what death and farewell entail. If children attend traditional rituals, they should be accompanied, and it should be assessed whether it is appropriate for them to stay for an extended period. In line with Carrera et al. (2020), when a child shows signs of boredom or distraction, it indicates a loss of interest, and it is best to help them leave and take them home with a caring person who can look after them.
Before involving children in any activity or ritual, they should be prepared for what they will see, meaning they should be informed in detail about who and how they will see the deceased and what other things will happen at the location (Carrera et al., 2020). It is important to explain specifically: the location, the deceased's condition, the attendees, the clothing, the colors, the mourning, the hugs, the condolences, the music, among other aspects. Finally, it is crucial that, once the ritual has been explained in detail, the child decides whether they want to participate or not. If they do not wish to attend, the adult should inquire about the reasons and address any needs, fantasies, or fears they may have. According to Carrera et al. (2020), ultimately, their decision should be respected, providing them with security and the ability to overcome their feelings.
Alternative Rituals in COVID Times - 19
Each individual processes their grief according to their development, knowledge, or the people around them (Carrera et al., 2020). Being aware of these differences facilitates the recognition of one's own needs to cope with a loss. The COVID-19 quarantine has significantly impacted people's daily lives, changing, among other things, the processes of saying goodbye to the deceased (Carrera et al., 2020). Probably, nowadays, it may not be possible to bid farewell to a loved one in the usual or traditional way. However, this does not imply giving up rituals or expressing the love felt for them (Figueroa, Cáceres & Torres, n.d.). Therefore, in accordance with Carrera et al. (2020), it is necessary to seek healthy and socially responsible options to initiate the grieving process.
Before performing or suggesting a ritual to the family, Carrera et al. (2020) indicate that some guidelines should be followed: respecting the spaces of those grieving, holding a previous meeting with those living together, or contacting by phone or video call the family members who cannot be present, and involving children, people with disabilities, older adults, and anyone willing to participate, explaining to them naturally what to do and how to get involved, according to their age and condition.
Writing
One way to perform a symbolic farewell ritual is to write what needs to be expressed (Girod, 2020). When experiencing a situation of great pain, such as the loss of a loved one, one may not feel like thinking about how to do it or may not find a good way to carry it out. In that case, one can choose to write a traditional letter, a monologue, a poem, or even a song. There is no predetermined format for it, and one can talk about anything needed (Girod, 2020). For example, one can recount how they feel about what happened and the best experiences shared with that person (Carrera et al., 2020). Also, one can write something that would be said to that person, as if they were present, recalling some moments, expressing gratitude, asking for forgiveness, among others (Figueroa, Cáceres & Torres, n.d.). Or, according to Figueroa, Cáceres & Torres (n.d.), one can collect texts from other authors with whom one identifies.
Drawing
Family members, especially children and adolescents, can be invited to draw the loved one or the emotions they are feeling at that moment (Carrera et al., 2020). If desired, they can be asked to explain what they have drawn to better understand what they are seeing and avoid misunderstandings. In accordance with Carrera et al. (2020), if a difficult situation arises, seeking the help of a healthcare professional is advised.
Memory Album
An album of memories can be created, including drawings, some photos with the loved one, anecdotes, their favorite song, or an invented story (Carrera et al., 2020). Additionally, a memory box can be made to store memories of that person; even a video can help preserve the memory (Carrera et al., 2020). According to Robayo (2020), photographs allow remembering the departed vividly and can help reconstruct their meaning in one's life, as well as perpetuate memories with that person.
Calm Corner
The calm corner is an ideal place for a person to express their feelings when needed (Carrera et al., 2020). In this space, coloring mandalas, an hourglass, or a calm bottle, torn newspaper, recycled paper, crayons, markers, stories, among other things, can be placed (Carrera et al., 2020). According to Figueroa, Cáceres & Torres (n.d.), one can go to the calm corner when wanting to be in silence, meditate, pray, express what one feels, manifest how they are now that the person is not there, disconnect, imagine life from now on, remember all the moments spent together, explain why the farewell had to happen in one way or another, explain how one would have wanted the funeral to be, among other things.
Reading Stories
Reading stories is a relaxing and enjoyable activity that can be used to reflect and become more aware of the process being experienced and the emotions accompanying it (Carrera et al., 2020). According to Carrera et al. (2020), after the activity, spaces can be sought to discuss any doubts that may arise and their feelings.
Handbooks
It is recommended to review the handbook "An Important Person is no Longer Around" to explore more activities that can help in having a healthy grieving process and developing resilience skills.
References
Carrera, M., Gutiérrez, K., Hernández, O., Ibarra, S., Poiré, R., & Sabbagh, L. et al. (2020). Recomendaciones para abordar EL DUELO Y LA MUERTE con niñas, niños y adolescentes. Enduelo.org. Recuperado 7 October 2021, a partir de https://enduelo.org/descargas/guia_ninos_enDuelo.pdf
Figueroa, M., Cáceres, R., & Torres, A. Duelo: Manual de Capacitación Para Acompañamiento y Abordaje de Duelo. Unicef.org. Recuperado 4 October 2021, a partir de https://www.unicef.org/elsalvador/media/3191/file/Manual%20sobre%20Duelo.pdf
Girod, C. (2020). Ritos de despedida: mas allá de los ritos funerarios. La Mente es Maravillosa. Recuperado 26 October 2021, a partir de https://lamenteesmaravillosa.com/ritos-de-despedida-mas-alla-de-los-ritos-funerarios/
Osiris, R., Guerrero, G., Herrera, A., Ascencio, L., Rodríguez, M., & Aguilar, I. et al. MANUAL OPERATIVO DEL CURSO PARA EL ACOMPAÑAMIENTO DEL DUELO EN SITUACIONES ESPECIALES DURANTE LA PANDEMIA DE LA COVID- 19 EN MÉXICO.. Inprf.gob.mx. Recuperado 26 October 2021, a partir de http://inprf.gob.mx/ensenanzanew/archivos/2020/manual_duelo.pdf
Robayo, A. (2020). Rituales de despedida alternativo. Duelo Contigo. Recuperado 26 October 2021, a partir de https://duelocontigo.org/rituales-de-despedida-alternativos/
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