Those who have shared their life with a pet understand the deep bond that is formed and the pain that comes with its loss (Flores García, 2022). This process becomes even more difficult the greater the connection and emotional dependence that has developed with the animal. For many people, it is not just a companion, but a member of the family, with whom significant emotional bonds are created. Although every grief is a complex and unique process, in the case of pets, support and social recognition may not be as expected. In fact, the loss can be minimized by others, making the adaptation to the absence more difficult. In some cases, according to Flores García (2022), the pain experienced can be as intense as losing a close family member.
Understanding Grief in Children and Adolescents
Children and adolescents, like adults, face situations of grief; however, their vulnerability is greater because their ability to process emotions adequately is still developing (Palomares Pérez, 2021). This limitation, combined with the little or no experience they typically have when facing a loss, creates greater concern among caregivers when their children face the death of a pet. Although psychological disorders are usually not developed in most cases, younger individuals may experience emotional distress for several weeks. This discomfort can manifest through problematic behaviors, such as the need to be alone, prolonged crying episodes, or a tendency to foster feelings of guilt. According to Palomares Pérez (2021), given these possible reactions, it is crucial for parents to know some basic principles to help their children cope with grief in the best way.
Unacknowledged Grief from the Loss of a Pet
This term refers to a type of pain that people experience when facing a loss that cannot be openly recognized, publicly mourned, or socially supported (Flores García, 2022). Although this experience is emotionally and socially significant, grief processes often do not receive the appropriate recognition. This is due to the common belief that a pet is replaceable, which delegitimizes the loss and can contribute to the appearance of traumatic distress symptoms. Furthermore, it has been observed that grief from the loss of a pet can last from six months to a year, with the most intense period occurring between one and two months. According to Flores García (2022), an inadequate grieving process could worsen or prolong this emotional experience.
Emotional Impact of Losing a Pet
The loss of a pet can create a dissonance that exacerbates emotional suffering and brings a variety of psychological experiences (Flores García, 2022). These experiences include anger directed at others, as well as the symptoms typical of psychological distress, such as sleep disorders, difficulty maintaining concentration, despair, guilt, self-blame, rumination, shock, disbelief, worry, and eating disorders. Additionally, the absence of a pet can lead to isolation, loss of daily routines, and a weakening of one's sense of purpose. When such a significant connection is interrupted, it is common to experience a sense of disorientation. In this regard, according to Flores García (2022), it should be considered that pets can foster a sense of responsibility in their owners and often become true "social catalysts."
How to Help Children Cope with the Loss of a Pet
A pet is not just an animal; it is a true family member (Montagud Rubio, 2021). Pets are especially significant during childhood, as children often turn to them in moments of sadness, illness, or confusion. Although they cannot speak, pets are capable of listening, offering unconditional love, and never criticizing. However, it is important to recognize that no loved one lives forever, and this reality also applies to pets. At some point, children will have to face the loss of their pet, and if this situation is not properly managed, it can become a traumatic and confusing event. Montagud Rubio (2021) mentions that, whether the animal was sick, old, or unfortunately passed away in an accident, it is crucial that adults support children in the process of coping with the loss.
Considering the Child's Age
It is essential to consider the child’s age, as the younger they are, the less they understand what has happened (Montagud Rubio, 2021). Children between the ages of 3 and 5 do not have a clear understanding of death, viewing it as an enigmatic concept. They may think that the situation is reversible, assuming that the animal has gone but will return later. In some cases, they may understand that the animal has died, but perceive it as a temporary phase, believing their pet will come back. Despite this, they usually feel the physical absence of their pet and miss it. On the other hand, between the ages of 6 and 8, children are more aware of the meaning of death and its implications. By the time they reach 10 years old, children understand that death is irreversible. According to Montagud Rubio (2021), by understanding these stages, the conversation with children can be adapted without lying to them and making it clear that the pet will not return.
Being Honest
To address the death of a pet, it is important to find the right moment and think about how to communicate the news (Montagud Rubio, 2021). The speech should be softened, but always convey the truth. It is crucial to be clear and honest, explaining how things are, no matter how sad the reality is. Children tend to accept death better when offered honest explanations, adapted to their level of understanding, and when given the opportunity to express their pain in the way that is most comfortable for them. Therefore, it is not advisable to give vague answers to their questions or resort to white lies. It is also important not to approach the subject of death with beliefs or traditions that are not shared. For example, if one does not believe in the Christian heaven or in any ideal afterlife, one should not tell children that their pet has gone to heaven. According to Montagud Rubio (2021), this action would be imposing a belief that is not shared, which could make them feel deceived and sad when they grow up and discover the truth.
Preparing Children for the Loss
In some cases, the pet is still alive, but it is known to be aging or suffering from a terminal illness that will eventually end its life (Montagud Rubio, 2021). This situation can help prepare children for the death of their pet. They need to understand that the animal will one day pass away and that this situation is inevitable. Although this news will be difficult to receive, it is beneficial for coping with the sad event when it arrives. By being aware that their pet will not live forever, Montagud Rubio (2021) mentions that children can spend more time with it, enjoy its final moments, and say goodbye properly, showing much love before its departure.
Allowing the Expression of Pain
Although society has advanced in raising awareness about the importance of expressing negative emotions, there remains the belief that showing sadness or anger is a sign of weakness, even in sad situations like the death of a loved one (Montagud Rubio, 2021). These kinds of beliefs are not beneficial to anyone, neither children nor adults. It is important that children feel comfortable expressing and sharing their sadness, and parents or caregivers should do the same. The best way to cope with this situation is to allow the pain to be expressed, as failing to do so can be harmful to both physical and mental health. According to Montagud Rubio (2021), nothing is more harmful to a child than feeling punished for expressing their emotions.
Talking About the Pet After a Few Days
The loss of the pet is painful, but it should not become a taboo topic or something too delicate that could reopen old wounds (Montagud Rubio, 2021). The pet was part of daily life for a long time, and its presence was as routine as any other part of the family routine. Ignoring its existence or erasing its memory is not feasible. After a few days, when everyone is calmer, it is appropriate to talk about the pet. However, according to Montagud Rubio (2021), the conversation should not be forced but mentioned naturally, as a beautiful part of the past that is no longer present.
Remembering Pet Anecdotes
In addition to talking about the pet after a few days, it is recommended to gather as a family to remember anecdotes related to it (Montagud Rubio, 2021). Remembering the good and bad moments, the mischief, how it behaved at the park, or how it played with the furniture is an ideal activity for sharing as a family, as it helps cope with the pet’s death and fosters family bonding, creating new memories around the life of this loved one who has passed. According to Montagud Rubio (2021), the idea is to make it clear that, by not forgetting the pet, it will always be present in the memory.
Honoring the Pet
When a person passes away, their loved ones usually hold a funeral in their honor and carry out posthumous tributes (Montagud Rubio, 2021). This may include burial with a tombstone bearing their name or cremation and spreading the ashes in a meaningful location. Funerals and tributes are significant rituals that allow for recognizing the life of someone, which can also be applied to pets. Pets deserve these rituals, which also benefit children and adults by allowing them to say goodbye properly to a family member. Ideally, a small family gathering should be held as a ceremony, where everyone feels supported. This way, children will not feel alone and will perceive that their family is ready to help them in difficult moments. According to Montagud Rubio (2021), the tribute can be performed in various ways, ideally involving everyone in an artistic activity, such as a drawing, a clay figure, a photo album, or any other creative form to remember the departed pet.
Not Replacing the Pet Immediately
It is not recommended to replace the pet immediately after its death, as this may prevent the mourning process from being processed appropriately (Montagud Rubio, 2021). Children, especially those younger than 10 years old, may not understand that they have to deal with the loss of a loved one. Replacing the pet right away can make them feel rejected by their parents and disoriented, as this may be interpreted as minimizing their emotional pain. Therefore, it is important to let the mourning process take its course without hastening its conclusion.
Coping with the Loss of a Pet in the Family: Frequently Asked Questions
Is it advisable to start preparing children when the pet is aging or sick?
When a pet is aging or facing a terminal illness, it is essential to emotionally prepare children appropriately for this process (Navsaria, 2023). The way the topic of death is approached with a child can significantly influence how they will manage their emotions. It may be tempting to hide the seriousness of the situation, but it is important to speak honestly, adapting the message to the child’s age. Explaining what is happening and allowing children to enjoy the remaining time with the pet offers them the opportunity to gradually process their emotions, reducing the emotional impact when the time comes for the pet’s passing. Additionally, according to Navsaria (2023), answering their questions and speaking frankly can help them prepare for the inevitable farewell and better understand the situation.
Could adopting a new pet help children cope with the loss of the previous one?
Adopting a new puppy after the death of a pet can help ease the pain of the loss (Navsaria, 2023). However, it is essential to present the new pet as a separate experience and not as a replacement for the previous one. Otherwise, in line with Navsaria (2023), children may develop unrealistic expectations or even misinterpret the situation, believing that loved ones are replaceable.
Are there mental health professionals who specialize in grief from the loss of a pet?
It is uncommon to find mental health professionals who specialize in grief due to the loss of pets (Navsaria, 2023). However, according to Navsaria (2023), psychiatrists and psychologists are trained to address childhood grief and can identify when a child needs additional support, whether due to the intensity or duration of their pain.
When should I be concerned about how my child is handling grief?
There is no set timeline for when a child should overcome grief, as each child copes differently (Navsaria, 2023). However, there are warning signs that may indicate the need to seek professional help, such as persistent difficulties with their daily routine, excessive worry about the deceased pet, or the appearance of self-destructive behaviors. Navsaria (2023) mentions that if these symptoms are observed, it is important to seek support from a specialist.
How can I support my child after the death of our pet?
The loss of a pet can be a painful experience, but it also provides an opportunity for children to learn how to manage their emotions in a healthy way (Navsaria, 2023). Instead of shielding them from feelings of sadness or pain, it is important to recognize and validate their emotions, as well as teach them strategies to cope with them. According to Navsaria (2023), activities such as drawing, talking about happy memories, or sharing personal experiences can help children understand that intense emotions are a natural part of life and that it is possible to cope with them.
References
Flores García, E. (2022, septiembre 19). Duelo por Animal de Compañía: Un Adiós Doloroso. NeuroClass. https://neuro-class.com/duelo-por-animal-de-compania-un-adios-doloroso/?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAApD_kNXiogp39DqAQHxVF9ZSvdaUI&gclid=Cj0KCQjwsJO4BhDoARIsADDv4vBzhUnt6mL8mRa3doSk43QYT6CXU9EjeVvuhgpFQZ7XjK-jMHV3rjUaAiZaEALw_wcB
Montagud Rubio, N. (2021, enero 25). Cómo Afrontar con tus Hijos la Pérdida de una Mascota: 6 Cosejos Prácticos. Psicología y Mente. https://psicologiaymente.com/desarrollo/como-afrontar-hijos-muerte-mascota
Navsaria, D. (2023). Cuando Muere una Mascota: Cómo Ayudar a su Hijo a Sobrellevar la Situación. American Academy of Pediatrics. https://www.healthychildren.org/Spanish/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Building-Resilience/Paginas/when-a-pet-dies-how-to-help-your-child-cope.aspx
Palomares Pérez, L. (2021, enero 15). ¿Cómo Ayudar a mi Hijo a Superar la Muerte de su Mascota? Avance Psicólogos. https://www.avancepsicologos.com/como-ayudar-a-mi-hijo-a-superar-la-muerte-de-su-mascota/
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