Being a parent represents a significant challenge that involves ongoing reflections on balancing permissiveness and discipline in a child's behavior (Salvador, 2017). Caregivers face the need to establish an adequate level of authority, which may vary depending on the context and specific circumstances. In this sense, four parenting styles are recognized, each differing by the amount of permissiveness and authority that caregivers exert over their children. Among these styles, as noted by Salvador (2017), is the permissive style, characterized by an accepting attitude toward children's behavior, where rules are unclear, and expectations are often minimal.
What are Permissive Caregivers Like?
Permissive families are defined as the opposite of authoritarian parenting (Salvador, 2017). In this environment, there is a low level of control over children’s behavior, encouraging them to make their own decisions, even in situations where they may lack the necessary maturity (Salvador, 2017). This approach is characterized by indulgence, as well as a marked lack of restrictions and firmness in the parenting process (Roldán, 2022). It’s important to clarify that permissive parenting does not imply neglecting children’s needs or simply allowing them to act without supervision (Salvador, 2017). In fact, this style emphasizes love and affection in the family relationship (Girón, 2021). The bond between parents and children is reciprocal, natural, and abundant. According to Girón (2021), this dynamic stems from caregivers’ predisposition to offer the best to their children, both materially and emotionally.
Another distinctive feature of permissive families is open and fluid communication among members, which sometimes can be excessive relative to the suitability of the information provided (Salvador, 2017). According to Salvador (2017), it is common for children to be treated uniformly, regardless of their age, often resulting in dialogues or statements disproportionate to their level of development and reasoning ability.
Reasons That Lead Caregivers to Be Too Permissive
The experience of growing up in a highly authoritarian educational environment can significantly influence how some caregivers approach their role as parents, leading to overly permissive behavior with their children (Quicios, 2022). However, according to Quicios (2022), there are other reasons that may explain why these caregivers become overly permissive with their children.
Older Caregivers
Older caregivers are those whose children were unplanned or have a considerable age difference from their older siblings (Quicios, 2022). Occasionally, as noted by Quicios (2022), in these families, a lack of energy is observed due to the accumulated weariness from raising older children, which may lead to a more lenient approach in educating the younger ones.
Very Busy Caregivers
Very busy caregivers often experience a lack of time to adequately fulfill their parental role (Quicios, 2022). This situation generates a deep sense of guilt, leading these caregivers to be permissive and, at times, to adopt a compensatory attitude. In this way, according to Quicios (2022), they seek to balance their absence through indulgences in parenting.
Very Young Caregivers
According to Quicios (2022), when caregivers take on the role of parents at a very young age, they frequently try to maintain a lifestyle similar to their single friends, often leaving their children in the care of others.
Impact of Permissive Parenting on Child Development
Permissive parenting can have serious consequences for a child’s development, especially in terms of self-esteem, independence, and social skills (Roldán, 2022). Initially, children from permissive families tend to present a cheerful and outgoing attitude, setting them apart from those raised in more structured parenting styles (Salvador, 2017). However, over time, these children often develop low self-esteem due to a lack of practice in tasks aligned with their abilities (Salvador, 2017). This lack of exposure to challenges that strengthen their sense of achievement contributes to dependency on others, fostering an attitude that others should take care of their needs and responsibilities (Roldán, 2022). Additionally, according to Roldán (2022), this parenting style often leads to capricious and impatient behavior in children, which complicates their ability to take on personal responsibilities.
From a sociocultural perspective, societies establish norms and values, such as respect, solidarity, and understanding, which are acquired and practiced by their members to facilitate social coexistence and cohesion (Girón, 2021). However, young people who grow up in permissive environments often struggle to adapt to these shared values, resulting in social interaction difficulties. Having been raised without clear guidelines, these young people face challenges in communicating appropriately with others and may display persistent and, at times, uncontrollable behaviors (Salvador, 2017). Problematic behavior becomes evident in situations where these young people fail to satisfy their desires, often triggering aggressive, manipulative, and even destructive reactions (Girón, 2021). According to Girón (2021), this inability to tolerate frustration leads them to frequently exhibit episodes of anger or tantrums, evidencing inadequate emotional management.
Parenting Errors in Permissive Families
Caregivers, like anyone else, may make mistakes in raising their children (Salvador, 2017). However, some parenting styles, such as permissive ones, present a higher risk of mistakes compared to others where basic and consistent rules are established. One of the most critical aspects is the tendency to satisfy any desire that children express at any given time. This approach fosters a low tolerance for frustration, as children grow up in an environment where their wishes are immediately fulfilled without facing limitations. Examples of these desires include playing for prolonged periods, staying up late, watching specific television shows, or receiving goods and services. According to Salvador (2017), when these children encounter situations where they do not get what they want, they tend to experience frustration, which can lead to irritability, aggression, and difficulties in accepting authority figures in other social contexts.
Furthermore, children raised in permissive families tend to associate happiness solely with fulfilling their desires, coming to believe that others are obligated to meet their expectations (Salvador, 2017). This perception can lead to emotional dependency, where happiness is directly tied to obtaining objects or favors. As these children grow, according to Salvador (2017), this constant need for gratification may create tensions in the relationship with their caregivers, as the children's expectations may exceed adults' ability to meet them.
In a permissive environment, children may live in a kind of "emotional bubble," where they are shielded from less gratifying experiences, such as sadness or disappointment (Salvador, 2017). This lack of contact with unpleasant emotions limits their ability to tolerate and manage them, which is essential for healthy psychological development. Consequently, in correspondence with Salvador (2017), when they encounter these emotions in everyday life, they are likely to perceive them as unbearable and may attempt to avoid them through behaviors that could be destructive or harmful to themselves.
Finally, the permissive style impacts the child’s ability to develop discipline and self-control, essential skills for achieving goals and objectives in adolescence and adulthood (Salvador, 2017). The lack of clear boundaries from an early age limits their self-regulation capacity, negatively affecting their self-esteem and ability to assess themselves positively. According to Salvador (2017), difficulty in impulse control and a lack of discipline may create obstacles in these children’s personal and social development, impacting their future success.
References
Girón, Z. (2021). ¿Qué es una familia permisiva?: características y consecuencias. TuInfoSalud. Recuperado 21 de agosto de 2022, de https://www.tuinfosalud.com/articulos/familia-permisiva/
Quicios, B. (2022). Errores de los padres o madres permisivos - Padres o madres que no saben poner límites a los hijos. Guiainfantil.com. Recuperado 21 de agosto de 2022, de https://www.guiainfantil.com/articulos/educacion/limites/errores-de-los-padres o madres-permisivos/
Roldán, M. J. (2022). Esto es lo que pasa si eres un padre permisivo. Eres Mamá. Recuperado 21 de agosto de 2022, de https://eresmama.com/lo-pasa-padre-permisivo/
Salvador, I. R. (2017). Familias permisivas: los 4 riesgos de este tipo de crianza. Psicología y Mente. Recuperado 21 de agosto de 2022, de https://psicologiaymente.com/desarrollo/familias-permisivas
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