Being a parent is not an easy task; it is common to constantly doubt whether one is being too permissive or too strict with the behavior of one's children (Salvador, 2017). However, as caregivers, a certain degree of authority must be exercised, which may vary depending on the context. Regarding the type of authority, there are four parenting styles that vary according to the degree of permissiveness and power that caregivers exercise over their sons or daughters. Corresponding to Salvador (2017), one of them is the permissive style.
What are Permissive Caregivers Like?
Permissive families are considered to be the complete opposite of the authoritarian style of parenting (Salvador, 2017). In these cases, families exercise little control over the behavior of their sons and daughters and allow them to make their own decisions in everything, even when they do not have sufficient reasoning to do so (Salvador, 2017). In short, according to Roldán (2022), this parenting style is dominated by indulgence, and a lack of restrictions and firmness regarding the upbringing of sons or daughters.
However, this parenting style is not about letting children follow their instincts, ignoring them or not paying attention to their needs (Salvador, 2017). On the contrary, permissive families have the characteristic of being one of the types of parenting where love takes precedence over all things (Girón, 2021). In correspondence with Girón (2021), the affection between parents and children is reciprocal, natural and abundant thanks to the particularity that caregivers have of wanting to give all the best to their sons and daughters, either materially or emotionally.
Another point that characterizes these families is the fluid communication between its members; sometimes exaggerated in relation to the adequacy of certain information (Salvador, 2017). Consequently, according to Salvador (2017), it is common for boys and girls to receive the same treatment, regardless of their age, which sometimes results in conversations or statements disproportionate to their age and to their reasoning capacity.
Reasons That Lead Caregivers to Be Too Permissive
Having experienced an extremely authoritarian upbringing can lead caregivers to become overly permissive in the role of parent (Quicios, 2022). However, in correspondence with Quicios (2022), there are other reasons that lead caregivers to become overly permissive with sons or daughters.
Elderly Caregivers
These are caregivers whose sons or daughters were not planned or who have a large age difference from their older brothers or sisters (Quicios, 2022). Occasionally, according to Quicios (2022), families are very old or tired from the wear and tear of raising first sons or daughters.
Busy Caregivers
These caregivers are characterized by not having enough time to function as a parent; consequently, guilt overwhelms them (Quicios, 2022). Sometimes, in correspondence with Quicios (2022), in addition to being permissive, they are compensatory.
Young Caregivers
Corresponding with Quicios (2022), when caregivers become parents when they are too young, they want to continue living at the pace of their single friends, leaving the sons and daughters in the care of someone else.
Characteristics of Sons and Daughters
Being a permissive caregiver can have serious implications for a child's development (Roldan, 2022). Sons and daughters of permissive families tend to be more cheerful and outgoing than children raised in other environments or with other types of parenting, at least initially (Salvador, 2017). However, over time, they tend to develop low self-esteem as they do not know how to cope with tasks that match their abilities (Salvador, 2017). As a consequence, they lack independence and personal responsibilities, they think that others should do things for them and that they do not have to lift a finger (Roldán, 2022). Corresponding with Roldán (2022), they are often capricious and impatient children.
In the same way, multiple societies have stigmas, rules, norms and their own characteristics that are learned by each of the individuals to learn to relate to each other, young people who are formed in a permissive upbringing, rarely adapt to the values shared by society, such as respect, solidarity and understanding (Girón, 2021). In short, according to Salvador (2017), having been raised without any schemes or guidelines for social interaction, they present many problems in communicating or relating to other people, being overly insistent and sometimes somewhat uncontrolled.
Likewise, the bad behavior adopted by children is manifested mainly in the moments when they do not get what they want, this makes them aggressive, manipulative and destructive in the aforementioned situations (Girón, 2021). In short, according to Roldán (2022), they cannot tolerate frustration and may have frequent tantrums.
Finally, in correspondence with Girón (2021), the permissive family is usually incapable of knowing how to manage limits, in the same way, they do not know how to stimulate their sons and daughters adequately, so that young people are raised in an environment where they do not learn to respect the rules, which may mean that when they have to face society, they do not know how to adapt to the rules and established norms of coexistence.
Parenting Mistakes in Permissive Families
Caregivers are first and foremost people, so it is easy for them to make certain permissible mistakes in the upbringing of their sons and daughters (Salvador, 2017). However, according to Salvador (2017), there are some parenting styles, such as permissive families, which are often more prone to mistakes or disadvantages than other parenting styles in which a minimum number of rules do apply to children.
These parenting errors are related to fulfilling any wish the child asks for at any time (Salvador, 2017). Giving children any wish or demand they express can lead to the development and empowerment of low frustration tolerance, as long as those wishes can only be resolved at home. These desires can range from wanting to play more than the established time, go to bed later, watch certain television programs, and even wanting their caregivers to buy them something or take them somewhere. According to Salvador (2017), when the child discovers that they cannot always get everything they want, frustration can turn into irritability, aggressiveness and low self-esteem, likewise, they will not be able to understand limits and authority figures in other external environments.
Likewise, children who grow up with a permissive family tend to associate happiness with the fulfillment of those desires (Salvador, 2017). That is, these children tend to believe that other people are obliged to fulfill their wishes or desires, since, that is really all they know. Therefore, they will live with a constant need to achieve something, by virtue of the fact that this is the only thing that will bring them happiness. Salvador (2017) mentions that, in addition, in the long run, this will affect the relationship between caregivers and their sons or daughters, on account of the fact that, at some point, these families will surely not be able to monopolize all their desires.
In the same vein, when the child learns to live surrounded by satisfactory feelings and without any contact with less gratifying emotions, but necessary for a correct psychological functioning, tolerance to negative feelings such as, for example, sadness or disappointment is eliminated (Salvador, 2017). This fact will lead the child to try, by all possible means, not to experience these emotions, since, they will be absolutely unbearable for him/her. As a consequence, in correspondence with Salvador (2017), it is very likely that he will end up performing destructive and self-harming behaviors.
Finally, children who grow up without any kind of discipline, will not be able to develop the ability to establish their own limits, and as a result, will experience serious difficulties in achieving their goals or objectives, either in adolescence or in adulthood; in view of the fact that, discipline and self-control will be something alien to them (Salvador, 2017). According to Salvador (2017), these problems in self-regulation and goal achievement can also have a negative impact on a person's self-esteem, reducing their ability to evaluate themselves positively.
References
Girón, Z. (2021). ¿Qué es una familia permisiva?: características y consecuencias. TuInfoSalud. Recuperado 21 de agosto de 2022, de https://www.tuinfosalud.com/articulos/familia-permisiva/
Quicios, B. (2022). Errores de los padres o madres permisivos - Padres o madres que no saben poner límites a los hijos. Guiainfantil.com. Recuperado 21 de agosto de 2022, de https://www.guiainfantil.com/articulos/educacion/limites/errores-de-los-padres o madres-permisivos/
Roldán, M. J. (2022). Esto es lo que pasa si eres un padre permisivo. Eres Mamá. Recuperado 21 de agosto de 2022, de https://eresmama.com/lo-pasa-padre-permisivo/
Salvador, I. R. (2017). Familias permisivas: los 4 riesgos de este tipo de crianza. Psicología y Mente. Recuperado 21 de agosto de 2022, de https://psicologiaymente.com/desarrollo/familias-permisivas
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