Frequently, it is observed that people, from children to adults, tend to isolate themselves when experiencing the loss of a loved one (Oslé, 2020). Grief involves a series of demands both external and internal, which include attending to the sadness experienced, maintaining certain routines, reorganizing the home, and maintaining focus while carrying out daily tasks. These demands can be perceived as overwhelming, leading individuals experiencing them to become introverted and withdraw into themselves. When an individual faces grief, a phenomenon similar to a battle in a fortress occurs in their mind: as opposing forces overcome their own, they retreat towards one wall and then another, until they end up closing themselves off in the last bastion, which would be the situation of isolation. According to Oslé (2020), this is a natural reaction: when situations overwhelm people, they retreat to a place where they feel safe.
The Importance of the Social Environment
Social networks are presented as an environment where experiences of success are common and where roles can be different from those at home (Oslé, 2020). With their friends, the child or adolescent in mourning can be the person who tells jokes or makes jokes, who proposes plans, or the most organized, among others. Sometimes, it is observed how some minors, generally preadolescents and adolescents, seek refuge in the social network more than in their own family. For example, they share with their friends how they feel since the loss, but they do not do it with their immediate family. This behavior is normal and expected, and generally indicates that the minor is growing properly. From a certain age, children are aware of the weight that the death of a loved one has on their family members, who may be sad, angry, tired, or desperate. Therefore, according to Oslé (2020), they consider it not convenient to add more fuel to that fire.
The Role of Communication in Childhood Grief
There are several studies highlighting the importance of communication in coping and adjustment after grief (Weber et al., 2019). It has been widely recognized that open communication is crucial for families grieving the loss of a parent, as it facilitates both the surviving caregiver and the child in their grieving and adaptation process (Weber et al., 2019). The ease of communication and expression of emotions in families supports the grieving process of children and adolescents after an emotional loss (Lugo, 2021). There is an emphasis on the need to promote communication and emotional expression in families, as well as secure and affectionate bonds. According to Lugo (2021), these factors will help protect children and adolescents from the various grief experiences they may encounter in life, allowing them to navigate them in a healthy manner.
While children and adolescents cannot be shielded from the death of a loved one, family separation, health crises, natural disasters, or any other catastrophe, they can be helped through adaptation mechanisms to face a new reality in any circumstance (Lugo, 2021). A healthy family will encourage the expression of emotions and use their affectionate bonds to assist children in these painful processes (Lugo, 2021). When communication between parents and children is more open, family relationships tend to be closer (Weber et al., 2019). Likewise, family communication, both verbal and non-verbal, facilitates the process of establishing and developing family relationships that increase trust and intimacy within the family. Consequently, in line with Weber et al. (2019), communication is considered one of the most fundamental variables in adjustment after the loss of a loved one.
Finally, it is important to highlight that to support children who are going through a grieving situation due to a family loss, it is essential for adults not to hide their feelings but to share them with them (Lugo, 2021). According to Lugo (2021), crying together, including them, listening to them, taking care of them, and being with them in these family processes are fundamental.
Parameters
There are specific parameters for identifying a complicated and persistent grieving process in children and adolescents, including disorganized, disruptive behaviors, and restlessness, among others (Lugo, 2021). If these behaviors persist after six months, it is crucial to consider it as a warning sign and seek psychological support. It is essential to provide support to children who are experiencing loss, whether from the role of a parent, sibling, another family member, teacher, psychologist, healthcare personnel, among others. According to Lugo (2021), this support will facilitate their grieving process, allowing them to return to a state of emotional and psychosocial balance and continue with healthy development.
Children may experience different types of losses, not only the death of a loved one but also the loss of a toy, the transition from preschool to elementary school or from childhood to adolescence, a move due to a change of residence or school, or the separation of parents, among others (Lugo, 2021). These populations also need to go through the stages of grief, that is, they must acknowledge the reality of the loss and process the emotions related to it. These emotions may include sadness, fear, pain, anger, anxiety, shame, or guilt, and negative valence emotions often predominate. Therefore, according to Lugo (2021), it is fundamental to create spaces and encounters where children and adolescents can be heard, comforted, and reassured.
Moreover, they must learn to live in a world where the loved one is no longer present and emotionally readjust to the deceased and continue living without forgetting them (Lugo, 2021). This implies preparing to live with their memory and to be in the present. That is, children must be accompanied to understand death and separation according to their age and with simple language. What affects them the most is silence and exclusion, which can generate negative feelings such as guilt. For example, they may come to believe that what happened occurred because of something they did. Undoubtedly, there will be occasions when, faced with the loss of a loved one, some people will need psychological attention. In the case of children, according to Lugo (2021), if behaviors are observed that hinder their development, decline, decrease in academic performance, damage to their self-esteem, the existence of self-harm, exacerbated guilt and anger, especially after a period of six months of grieving, it is essential to seek specialized attention.
Death and the losses it entails are natural processes (Lugo, 2021). It has been observed that a large portion of families will generate resources or even strengthen after adapting to these critical situations. Most people will recover adequately. However, a person going through grief does not need a brilliant mind to speak to them, but a patient heart to listen to them. In line with Lugo (2021), this implies a process of accompaniment in childhood.
References
Lugo, G. (2021, agosto 19). Afecto y Comunicación, Esenciales en el Duelo Infantil y Adolescente. Gaceta Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México. https://www.gaceta.unam.mx/afecto-y-comunicacion-esenciales-en-el-duelo-infantil-y-adolescente/
Oslé, D. (2020, febrero 20). El Duelo Infantil: La Importancia de la red Social del Niño Tras una Pérdida. Fundación Mario Losantos del Campo. https://www.fundacionmlc.org/el-duelo-infantil-la-importancia-de-la-red-social-del-nino-tras-una-perdida/
Weber, M., Alvariza, A., Kreicbergs, U., & Sveen, J. (2019). Communication in Families with Minor Children Following the Loss of a Parent to Cancer. European Journal of Oncology Nursing, 39, 41–46. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ejon.2019.01.005
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