Talking about grief and loss continues to be one of the greatest taboos in contemporary society (Feldman, 2019). However, there is no way to avoid it (Messelt, n.d.). This is because there are as many grieving processes as there are significant losses, and each person experiences it in a very different way (Caballero, 2018). In other words, no two individuals share the same pain and experience after a tragic event (Vasquez, 2021). Nevertheless, many of the ideologies learned throughout the life cycle are influenced by misconceptions about grief (Caballero, 2018). These myths may seem harmless; however, they can become limitations to personal development (Wolfelt, n.d.). Consequently, in accordance with Caballero (2018), being aware of the pain caused by loss does not weaken individuals; on the contrary, it helps them feel natural in the face of this very human and adaptive response.
"One Nail Drives Out Another"
Statements like "there are plenty of fish in the sea" or "one nail pulls out another" teach that, to overcome a loss, it is necessary to carry out a replacement (Caballero, 2018). For instance, if the loss of a pet is experienced, the solution may be found in acquiring another one (Lemos, 2015). However, in line with Lemos (2015), one should never attempt to replace something that held significant value, as such a replacement will not provide the sought-after comfort for the individual.
"Time Heals All"
Another misconception that has taken root in society is the idea that with time, everything is forgotten and everything heals (Lemos, 2015). However, for many individuals, the weight of grief does not dissipate over time (Bennett, 2016). Some people struggle for years, even decades, to make sense of their loss (Bennett, 2016). In summary, time itself is not the remedy for a grieving heart (Vasquez, 2021). Instead, what is done with grief can influence the process over time (Bennett, 2016). The gift of time provides a space for reflection, processing, integration, and adaptation to the loss. So, although the pain of grief never truly ends, it can evolve and take on a different form (Bennett, 2016). For example, a mother whose child has passed away is unlikely to heal the wound caused by their departure (Lemos, 2015). Moreover, it is likely that years may pass, and this pain finds neither calm nor healing. Of course, according to Lemos (2015), this mother will learn to live with the pain.
"People Should Be Strong"
People must discard the idea that sadness is a characteristic feeling of the weak, that is, of those who are not very resilient (according to Caballero, 2018). Precisely, those who claim to be the strongest are the first to collapse, as they wear a mask of composure and strength, even though inside they are completely shattered (Lemos, 2015). Similarly, according to Caballero (2018), they do it so well that they hinder empathy, making it much more difficult to receive help.
"It is Better not to Bring up the Topic"
Friends, in particular, hold the belief that the most effective way to provide support is to avoid the topic and distract the person experiencing grief (Caballero, 2018). However, the reality is that those going through a grieving process generally want and need to express their feelings about the loss they have experienced (Caballero, 2018). Yes, in line with Randall (n.d.), tears may also be expressed; nevertheless, it is crucial to emphasize that the individual seeking to offer help is not the cause of these tears but contributes to making the grieving person feel comfortable enough to share them.
"Grief is a Linear Process"
Coherently translate from Spanish to English: One of the biggest myths about grief is that it occurs in stages and follows a strictly linear path toward healing (Vasquez, 2021). However, some research has found that the stage model does not always fit with individuals' unique experiences (Bennett, 2016). It has been observed that some individuals may not go through any stage, while others may only feel some of the steps or experience a different order (Vasquez, 2021). According to Bennett (2016), an individual's grieving experience may depend on various factors such as who or what was lost, their support network, education, personality, spiritual beliefs, and cultural heritage.
In reality, the grieving process resembles much less a neat set of stages and much more a rollercoaster of emotions (Feldman, 2019). In fact, no stage theory, to date, has been able to fully explain how people cope with a loss. This is because, as Feldman (2019) suggests, grief is different for each person and each loss, so it's important not to force oneself to conform to someone else's idea of how grief should be.
"Grief and Mourning are the Same"
Most people tend to use the words grief and mourning interchangeably (Wolfelt, n.d.). However, there are decisive differences between both expressions (Vasquez, 2021). Although they may arise from the same experience, they are by no means the same. On the one hand, grief refers to the internalization of feelings and emotions related to a loss (Vasquez, 2021). It is linked to personal experience and constitutes an individual response to any type of loss (Caballero, 2018). On the other hand, mourning represents the extrinsic expression of pain, that is, the openly shared social response with others (Caballero, 2018). When it is said that a person is in mourning, it usually refers to the period immediately following a significant loss (Vasquez, 2021). According to Vasquez (2021), for some people, it tends to last only a few days; however, for others, mourning can extend for several weeks or even months.
"Children do not Understand Death"
There is a mistaken belief that young children do not grieve or understand what it means to suffer (Vasquez, 2021). However, it has been observed that children are capable of perceiving the emotional reactions of people, and assuming that they do not understand what is happening would be a significant mistake (Caballero, 2018). They may not have the skills to express their feelings or process emotions related to pain; nevertheless, they experience pain and suffering. Consequently, it is essential for infants to go through the grieving process simultaneously with other family members (Caballero, 2018). However, according to Vasquez (2021), the manifestation of grief will vary considerably depending on the child's age, level of maturity, and stage of development.
"You Should Keep Going After One Year"
The myth that it takes a year to overcome significant loss or the death of a loved one puts pressure on those who are suffering, urging them to recover from their pain (Vasquez, 2021). However, not all setbacks take a year to overcome; more profound losses can extend grief beyond that period. The twelve-month guideline for overcoming grief is characteristic of normal grief but does not determine the duration of grief for everyone. During the first year, the person adjusts to the loss, experiencing changes in their life and routine, some of which may not manifest until long after the initial twelve months. However, for some people, as stated by Vasquez (2021), one year simply is not enough time to get accustomed to their new life.
References
Bennett, G. (2016). Busting the myths about grief. Sane Australia. Recuperado 25 August 2021, a partir de https://www.sane.org/information-stories/the-sane-blog/suicide-prevention/busting-the-myths-about-grief
Caballero, B. (2018). Mitos sobre el duelo: trampas comunes en la gestión de la pérdida. La Mente es Maravillosa. Recuperado 25 August 2021, a partir de https://lamenteesmaravillosa.com/mitos-sobre-el-duelo-trampas-comunes-en-la-gestion-de-la-perdida/
Feldman, D. (2019). Five Myths About Grief You May Believe. Psychology Today. Recuperado 25 August 2021, a partir de https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/supersurvivors/201909/five-myths-about-grief-you-may-believe
Lemos, R. (2015). 6 Mitos sobre el duelo. La Mente es Maravillosa. Recuperado 25 August 2021, a partir de https://lamenteesmaravillosa.com/6-mitos-duelo/
Messelt, J. Top 5 Common Myths of Grief. Hospice of the Red River Valley. Recuperado 25 August 2021, a partir de https://www.hrrv.org/blog/top-5-common-myths-of-grief/
Randall, K. Mitos y conceptos erróneos sobre el duelo. Willow House. Recuperado 25 August 2021, a partir de https://willowhouse.org/es/mitos-y-conceptos-erroneos-sobre-el-duelo/
Vasquez, A. (2021). 10 Common Myths About Grief Debunked. Joincake.com. Recuperado 25 August 2021, a partir de https://www.joincake.com/blog/myths-about-grief/
Wolfelt, A. Common Myths about Grief. Mintoschool.ca. Recuperado 25 August 2021, a partir de http://mintoschool.ca/Crisis%20Plan/Section%205/5-N%20Common%20Myths%20About%20Grief.pdf
Comments